I thought you would be taller!

Mathew McConaughey turns down role in Guardians of the Galaxy sequel, bloody shame, was really looking forward to seeing what he could bring to the Marvel universe.  Norman Reedus hosting his own motorcycle reality show on AMC, this sounds a bit odd but ok, ill bite.  New pic revealed of the joker in Suicide Squad film, apparently hes a pimp now.  Pitch Perfect 3 moving forward with the director of the second film directing it, good news to some.  Trick or Treat director assures fans that there WILL be a sequel, says be patient.  Villain cast in John Wick sequel, and its Common the rapper, not 100% sure how i feel about this.  Last but not least, set photos show Super Troopers 2 has indeed begun filming, YAY!

Recently saw Eli Roth's new film The Green Inferno, Holy Shit!  Graphic, I recommend it to anyone with a morbid sense of humor, and a strong stomach.  The only thing green in this film were the trees!  Gotta hand it to Eli Roth, now i see why this film took years to release, BUT, Cannibal Holocaust is still the better film.  Much better than his newer film Knock Knock, that one didn't even feel like one of his films, may have just been an experiment of his.  I'm also a big sucker for "torture porn" films, not sure what it is, but the more shocking the film, the more i enjoy it.  That being said, this was also very humorous, again dark humor so be warned.

I recently went on a binge of DC animated films, gotta say, so far these have been preferable to the live action.  I can only hope that Suicide Squad feels at least a little like Batman: Assault on Arkham.  My favorite so far has been Throne of Atlantis, did a good job of making Aquaman look and feel badass.  The live action films they're planning could be good, unfortunately the future of these films depends on how well Batman V Superman does at the box office.  So far, Batman V Superman is reportedly THE most expensive film made in Hollywood, over 400 million dollars, this is troubling especially since Man of Steel barely earned that much Worldwide.  Time will tell.


And now Ladies and Gents, a top 5!


Top 5 Directors!  ( BESIDES SPIELBERG!!!)

5. Guillermo del Toro
4. Gore Verbinski
3. Christopher Nolan
2. Quentin Tarantino
1. David Fincher

I thought you were dead!

Well, its been a long time folks, anybody interested in another Bridget Jones film! Yea me neither! The Pride and Prejudice and Zombies trailer is up and looks just as ridiculously awesome as Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter! James Cameron announces new Avatar comics, (BLEH! Just make the damn sequels already!). The Expendables 4 has been green lit, bet ya cant wait for a PG Expendables film because you know thats coming right?! The new animated film Batman: The Killing Joke could be rated R says writer, yea and I'm a monkeys uncle........wait a minute! Thor and Hulk will team up for Thor Ragnarok, YAY AWESOME NEWS! Luther creator is developing a screenplay for the remake to Escape From New York, YAY MEDIOCRE NEWS! The Notebook director is directing Ronda Rousey in a Road House remake, YAY DONT CARE NEWS! Robert Rodriguez to direct and James Cameron to produce Battle Angel adaptation, HOLY FUCKING SHIT NEWS!!!

Been a few weeks since I've written, and oddly enough not much news in movies. I have seen a few though, M. Night's new film The Visit, that was a doozy. Let me start this off with telling everyone the movie can be viewed in 2 ways, it depends on the persons personality. Now some have a twisted dark sense of humor, others have a normal one, I'm the former. Being that I have this sense of humor, this sort of movie was NOT going to be a horror film to me. This movie was hilarious, I've never seen a more awkward attempt at horror. I wont give anything away but the plot, its about 2 kids spending a week with their grandparents and apparently theres a secret the daughter is trying to figure out. Thats it, wont give you anymore, if you have my sense of humor its worth a watch at the very least because it is bloody hysterical!

Tried to watch the new Vacation film, that ended up being a test of my patience. The trailers made it out to be funny, but 30 minutes in and I just felt exhausted trying to watch it, it wasn't entertaining nor funny, 45 minutes in I just gave up. The director of the fourth Die Hard film came out and said he was planning a prequel/sequel for the sixth film, I'm perplexed by this decision, who cares what John McClane did before Nakatomi? I don't so I'm asking a legitimate question, did anybody ask for a fucking prequel to Die Hard? Cant wait though for this Battle Angel movie, I am so glad James Cameron handed the directing duties over to someone else, and not just somebody else but Robert Fucking Rodriguez! I have a glimmer of hope for the future, provided Evangelion 3.33 doesn't fucking get pushed back!

And now a top 5! Comic Book Films.

5. Hellboy (2004)

4. The Punisher (2004)

3. Blade (1998)

2. Constantine (2005)

1. The Avengers (2012)

What are your favorite comic book films?

Great things have small beginnings!

Time for some news, The Conjuring 2 has begun filming, oh joy......meh. Pacific Rim 2 put on hold indefinitely, saw that one coming from a mile away. The film Taken is getting a TV series, the series will tell how Bryan Mills became the man with a very particular set of skills, this could go either way, it does sound intriguing. The Gambit film has hit another snag, the director has left citing previous engagements, this is sounding more and more like the Crow reboot we still haven't gotten. Ridley Scott recently let slip there may be as many as 3 Prometheus sequels being planned, with that last one I say, well......shit!

Speaking of Prometheus, I recently saw Damon Lindelofs newest film, he didn't direct but he wrote it, Tomorrowland which I have to say wasn't all bad. It started off pretty awesome, glimpses of the city Tomorrowland, although they never call it that, were strewn throughout the beginning. But the narrative was a little off, it took a little minute for it to figure out which story it wanted to tell. The humor was surprising, there were quite a lot of laugh out loud moments. Then the ending came, while not terrible, it felt ridiculous, wont spoil it for you because who knows, you might love it. I think it was definitely worth watching, I just wish the ending could have been tweaked a little, what I saw was laughable.

Finally, I saw the dreaded Fantastic Four! I'm not sure what this film was originally going to be, but it really did end up a big pile of shit. Perhaps I'm being too tough on it, lets examine shall we. Ill list my problems, number 1, they get their powers from the “negative zone” and right after that Reed Richards decides to up and leave everyone, then the government offers Ben Grimm a chance at being normal again but he has to help them with something, cut to a year later and Reed is still gone and the rest of the team are basically super powered mercenaries, What The Fuck!? Why the time gap, that was a chance to show some action, and the movie SEVERELY NEEDED THAT, as it stands the only action was the ending, and don't get me started on how abrupt that was! Then there's number 2, Doctor Doom looked like a rejected 3^rd graders science experiment, what the hell was that, and he goes from glad to be OK to KILL EVERYTHING within a matter of minutes. Number 3 of course was a sever lack of character development, even when you try and care what happened to these characters on screen, you eventually just say fuck it let em die, could be more entertaining than what I'm seeing maybe even funnier. And of course the problem I had since day one, the minute I saw the trailer, THE THING DOES NOT HAVE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS AND DOESN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THE LACK OF EQUIPMENT.

And now a top 5, Worst Movies (Anything from the SyFy Network doesn't count!)

5. House of the Dead

4. Xmen Origins: Wolverine

3. Ghost Rider

2. Alien Vs Predator

1. The Crow Wicked Prayer

Whats your top 5 worst movies?                                                                                                                   

That kid is back on the escalator!

Anybody want a Mary Poppins sequel, congrats Disney just announced it. You can keep that shit, Jeepers Creepers 3 is what I'm excited for and they are FINALLY moving forward with it! Arnold Schwarzenegger replacing Donald Trump on Celebrity Apprentice, screw every Arnold hater, I finally have a reason to watch the show! M. Night Shyamalan's new film The Visit opened to decent reviews!? Kong: Skull Island moving to Warner Bros., talk of a King Kong vs Godzilla film coming soon!? Fox is still trying to make a Fantastic Four sequel (GAH!). Mallrats 2 finally starting production, phew its been a busy couple of days!

A rumor is floating around about the live action Akira film, the rumor being instead of 2 films, which was the original plan, it will be a trilogy of films. But thats not the juiciest part, word has it they've been talking to Christopher Nolan to helm them. This is good or bad news depending on the person, some loved the Dark Knight trilogy, while others continue to mock them. Good news to me, if this turns out to be true, I am fucking ECSTATIC! I absolutely love the anime film, never read the manga, but I hear the anime film only covered a portion of what transpired. Sure this sounds a lot like what happened with the Hobbit films, but I have hope, and I'm a bigger fan of Nolan than I am of Jackson. Time will tell, maybe this film will never be made, this is another film they've wanted to adapt for more than a decade, much like Battle Angel.

I talked a little before about Xmen Apocalypse and how I hated how the titular villain looked, granted they did say that wasn't the final look, it still looked pretty bad guys. A leaked still was unveiled last week that showed us a different look for the villain Apocalypse, and I gotta tell you guys, THIS is Apocalypse! He may not look like that the entire film but one can only hope theres a decent portion of it where he does. It seems silly to say I now have hope for the film but I do, our first look of him was God awful. I imagined myself watching the first 15 minutes of the film waiting for the final look only to find out our first look was pretty much the final look, I got up threw my popcorn at the screen, yelled a couple of expletives and walked out warning people this wasn't xmen but a remake of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. But thank you to the bearded dude in the sky, that was not his final look!

And now a quick top 5, Best Video Game Films

5. Street Fighter (1994)

4. Resident Evil (2002)

3. Mortal Kombat (1995)

2. Hitman (2007)

1. Silent Hill (2006)

You cheated you dick!

A Cabin Fever Remake! Are you like a crazy person! And Eli Roth is helping release this! What in the actual fuck have I missed! Its not even an old film by any stretch of the imagination! Another interesting announcement that went completely over my head, the new Halloween film they've working on is not a sequel to Rob Zombies Halloween films, but a sequel to the original Halloween 2 (1981). Ladies and gentlemen, the future for horror is getting really questionable. With a new Friday The 13^th and Nightmare reboot coming soon, I half expect an announcement of a Hellraiser reboot, and guess what, THEY'RE CONTEMPLATING A JAWS REBOOT! Ill end this paragraph with a bit of levity, the new Star Wars toys are hilariously awesome!

Now for a review, San Andreas. Dwayne Johnson's new disaster porn movie, after watching this I tried to imagine how they pitched this film to him, or rather how much did he get paid to do it. It was a hit at the box office which proves beyond the shadow of a doubt, if the movie sounds like it will suck, throw The Rock in it and watch the money flow in. It wasn't too terrible I guess, the effects were nice, but it seemed like a love drama, the disaster was just for cool stuff to look at. I think this could have been made with a lower budget and a smaller disaster and it would've been the same movie, it just seemed pointless. They threw in Paul Giamatti just to tell everyone what exactly was going on, why the earthquakes were happening, you could have cut his character out completely and you wouldn't miss anything, its a shame too, hes a good actor why would you cast him if you're going to underutilize him. I wouldn't even recommend this to the most hardcore The Rock fans.

And now the dreaded Top 5! Cult Classics!

5. Grandmas Boy (2006)

This one was unique, and dare I say it the funniest movie Happy Madison has come out with. You never saw this one coming, I remember renting this because it was about the lives of game testers, and I was a bit of a geek so I thought what the hell. Completely took me by surprise, it was a stoner classic right up there with Bill and Ted, but alas like many cult films, it suffered from poor marketing.

4. The Big Lebowski (1998)

Another stoner flick that went under the radar, this one I can understand why it didn't have a good marketing strategy. Seriously, watch this movie and try to build up hype for it. Its a movie about an ordinary dude, put in an extraordinary situation, and hilarity ensues. This one is also very quotable. The Dude Abides!

3. The Boondock Saints (1999)

You knew this one was coming, this one came out of nowhere and rocked anybody who saw it. This film suffered however because if its director and writer, who made it to the big time and then told everyone to fuck off. There even a documentary about the crisis this movie was behind the scenes, but despite the drama, the guy made a classic film, just don't see the second film!

2. Fight Club (1999)

This is close to being my favorite movie of all time, any kid growing up can relate at least a little to it. This and Boondock Saints had the potential to be block busters, but they happened to come out during a tragic time, during Columbine. So naturally critics and a whole bunch of people slammed them for being too violent, but today they're remembered as classics!

1. Donnie Darko (2001)

This indeed is another contender for one of my favorite films, and another that was difficult to market. This film in my opinion NEEDS repeat viewings just so you can ingest every detail this film had to offer. I also have a weak spot for weird films, the more surreal the better! I don't want to give away anything about this film so if you haven't seen it yet, take a leap of faith, SEE IT!

I don't know, I didn't go to Burger King!

And now a review, The new boxing film Southpaw. Interesting to note, this film was originally slated to star rapper Eminem shortly after his hit 8 Mile came out. Not sure why he chose not to pursue this film but to each their own, as it stands it was a decent film with arguably a better actor taking Eminems place, Jake Gyllenhaal. My initial thoughts on this film after watching were, this felt like a boxing movie for teens who have never seen a boxing movie or never cared to. Its definitely geared more towards the newer generation of movie goers, everything about the film screams generic boxing film, not saying that thats bad, I just felt I had seen it done plenty of times by better filmmakers, BUT, the acting was good, I thought Forest Whitaker was pretty standout in this one. In the end, it was entertaining for what it was, and the ending was heartfelt.

I think its time for a Top 5. Action Films.

5. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai (1984)

Such a shame nobody saw this movie, it was such a simple yet complex sci-fi action film, it was the expendables without the muscles, hell I thought it was cooler than the expendables! Peter Weller played an awesome neo cowboy, John Lithgow an awesome villain, Jeff Goldblum was in it, it had everything!

4. Robocop (1987)

Another awesome Peter Weller film, Robocop may have technically been a parody of sorts, but that didn't stop it from being AWESOME! It had everything a teenage kid with testosterone pumping through his veins would want, blood, guts, profanity, and ROBOTS FIGHTING TO THE DEATH!

3. Escape from New York (1981)

Snake Plissken, need I say more. John Carpenter broke the mold creating this action hero. Alot of action films since this one have borrowed from it, even video games. I can only hope the remake they're planning on doing is at least half as good as this one.

2. Predator (1987)

In my opinion, this is the movie that launched Arnold Schwarzenegger into super stardom, another sci-fi action film, it starts off with a group of expendable like characters going into the jungle on a rescue mission. Turns out, Something else had a plan for them, an extraterrestrial hunter, one of the most wicked looking aliens of all time.

1. Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995)

This is one of those rare thirds in a franchise that was as good if not better than the original, and while there weren't that many explosions, a complaint most had with the film, it was still a hell of an action film. I mainly liked this one because of the camaraderie between Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson, they were a perfect fit for a character driven movie!

Again, these are just one assholes opinion!

Pretty soon here I'm going to watch San Andreas, Dwayne (The Rock) Johnsons new disaster film. I'm dreading however, not a big fan of disaster porn movies, I fucking HATED 2012, and I didn't think too highly of The Day After Tomorrow either. The only one I really liked was Independence Day, but the rock is in it so who knows, I wasn't a fan of the first G.I. Joe film but I saw the second and I must say it was better mainly because of him. I know I'm not the only one thinking this, but how cool would it be if the rock joined Vin Diesal in the new XXX film. I'm on pins and needles for this new XXX, I'm mostly waiting on an announcement on who will be directing it, if Rob Cohen comes back, I'm a happy man, if say, Skip Woods is hired to do it, I may start a riot.

But the ice is slippery!

Guillermo Del Toro wants Godzilla for Pacific Rim 3, HAHA good luck, you're lucky you got the green light for 2!  Not alot of people enjoyed Pacific Rim mainly because in the end, it was pretty much a homage to old school monster movies and in my opinion mecha anime.  That and this film suffered from another case of poor marketing, the trailers showed a much different film, its really a shame these days that a trailer gives you an idea of a film only to have you see the final product and its nothing like that idea.  That's why i think Pacific Rim suffered, it didn't make as much as it could have, so many movies these days suffer from poor marketing and its just getting worse.  Frankly, with how much it did make i was beyond shocked they even considered a sequel.

Not sure if anybody is a Entourage fan, the HBO series, but i just saw the film and i must say, if you're a fan of the series you will definitely love this film, however if you haven't seen the series, you might not enjoy it, actually thinking back on it NO you wont.  I did have one problem with it, it seemed like they tried to cram an entire season into a 90 minute movie, so naturally it was fast paced, BUT if you've seen the series you wont have any problems getting every joke, it was a good film but if i had my choice between this movie and another season I'd pick the latter.  I can just imagine someone only hearing about this movie from a friend going into it not having any idea of what to expect, they might leave saying WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?!?  WAS THAT GARY FUCKING BUSEY!!!  HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS THE "i see dead people" KID!!!  You know what, never mind, the movie might actually get new people to go and watch the series from the start!

It was just announced the Assassins Creed movie will share the same universe as the video games, the movie is about a new character with ancestral ties to the assassins, this idea i like, making original characters and interweaving them into the game in which the film is based.  although it has been done before in the Resident Evil films there is potential for that approach.  Not a big Fan of the Resident Evil film franchise, the first one had completely original characters but had connections to the video games, with every sequel there was more from the games in the movies.  I say I'm not a big fan because the first and second were actually decent, not sure what happened behind the scenes with the third one, but it seemed like the writers got together and said, you know what we should totally do guys, TROLL EVERY FAN OF THE FIRST 2, AND KEEP TROLLING insert evil maniacal rich guy laugh.